


Make it Quick

by angelicsubtext



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death, Gay, I know dean doesnt talk like this but fuck off it has to sound good, LGBT, Leviathans, Love, M/M, Season 8 Spoilers, Spoilers, dean wants to die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-18 22:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7333651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelicsubtext/pseuds/angelicsubtext
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without his family, there just isn't anything left to fight for and Dean's ready to give up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make it Quick

Dean kneels before Death, staring into his jet black eyes. He’s died one hundred and seven times to this day, and he’s managed to come back every single time. But this time, it was different. This time, he’ll go without putting up a fight. Without Sammy or Cas, there isn’t much to fight for.   
“Please, just end it. I can’t keep doing this.” Dean pleads.  
“Perhaps,” Death’s monotonous voice echoes throughout the empty room, “On one condition.”  
“Yes, anything.” He cries out, leaning forward in desperation.  
“Why don’t you tell me a story, and I’ll consider it.”  
Racking his brain, he remembers the countless hunts he and his brother accomplished over the years, but nothing seems adequate enough. Yet he manages to recall something Metatron had mentioned briefly, detailing how a good story contained love, and heartbreak, and love. All that comes to mind was his angel, and the memories of the past seven years that continuously haunt him in his sleep.   
“I remember the night when Sam took his last steps towards me and collapsed in my arms. I was desperate to do anything, even to the extent of selling my soul. So I did. And we spent the entirety of the year trying to avoid the inevitable. Then the hounds came, and I was ripped to shreds. Chained and bound to a table, tortured until I succumbed and became the torturer. Then the light fought back the darkness, and I was freed from Hell. Greeted by a glass shattering noise, that was the first time I heard him. Of course I didn’t know that at the time, not until Bobby and I were greeted by the celestial being, contained in the vessel of Jimmy Novak. He told us he went by the name Castiel.   
He and his brothers were on a conquest to stop Lilith from destroying the seals and unleashing pure evil. According to most, I was the one at fault. Yet it was Castiel who had gripped me tight, as I was raised from perdition. By doing this he freed the righteous man, and consequently started the whole ordeal. Out of desperation, we slaid Lilith, but unknowingly broke the final seal by doing so, releasing Lucifer from his cage.   
This is when I truly began to bond with Cas, seeing as how we were all at fault for this mess.With the help of Castiel, I denied Michael his vessel and Sam did the same to Lucifer. We began to see that the angels too had a will of their own. That's when we really began to embrace the title Team Free Will.  
I never told my brother about this, but after seeing the cruel ways my future self had treated Castiel, I began to realize that the emotional feelings I developed for the being who had saved me extended beyond friendship.   
The longing in my heart seemed to vanish when I was with him. Despite his cluelessness regarding human emotions, I know for a fact it wasn’t one sided. The nights I’d wake up in a sweaty mess from nightmares, he’d be there for me. Often cloaking me with the velvety wings settled upon his back, and humming Hey Jude as my mother used to do when I was younger.  
Eventually, the soft feathers turned into warm arms, wrapped around my chest. It wasn’t until Sam abandoned us, when Cas pressed his lips to mine and I realized; I was in love with an angel.   
Notwithstanding the angelic warding seared into my ribcage, it was never a challenge for him to find us. Angels, they're drawn to one not just by prayer, but also the longing of their presence. I was like a beacon to him, yearning for his company.   
After Sam overpowered Lucifer and was forced into the pit, I was alone. No family, nobody, except for Cas. I had my heart stolen by an angel in a trench coat.   
Without my brother, I was a shell of who I used to be. But Cas fixed that, he nurtured me with tender kisses and nights shared together. Upon the return of my younger sibling, my life was turned upside down, yet again. I guess it really was just too much to hope for having a normal life. However, when you’re romantically invested with someone spawned in heaven, I suppose it is quite a lot to expect.   
I thought I would’ve been able to rebuild our brotherly connection. That was, until I realized he was incapable of love. Or any emotion for that matter. All I could feel was pity, and it was almost selfish of me to think this, but when I looked into the eyes of my angelic lover, the world was washed away. Better than any night I spent passed out drunk, trying to cope. I pitied Sam because he’d waste his nights hooking up with good looking girls, only to kick them to the curb without remorse. I pitied him because after Jess, I don’t believe he was truly capable of love.  
I didn't understand his pain from Jess, until the thought of losing Cas crossed my mind, and caused me to wake up screaming from fear I’d lost him  
Truthfully, I regretted every person I had been with before him. I felt guilty just at the thought of loving someone else as much as I loved him. My heart belonged to the blue-eyed being.   
Little did I know, such guilt did not bother angels. After learning about his partnership, with Crowley, something inside of me broke. I suppose too much free will isn’t always a good thing. The worst part was discovering that he was collecting souls for the sake of power. For the sake of replacing God, who’d abandoned his children in their time of need.   
I needed Castiel, and he left me. Just like John left me, and how everyone I’ve ever cared about has left me. As much as it hurt, I knew I’d have to stop him. It’d be impossible for me to prioritize a silly little crush over the fate of the world. But the thing is, it wasn’t just a silly crush. I had fallen head over heels for him. How does someone hunt the creature that they’ve grown to love.  
I had always given Cas the benefit of the doubt, hoping, praying that I wouldn’t have to do everything in my power to keep him from destroying the world. Then he broke Sam, crumbling the barrier in his mind. It was the only thing that was keeping him sane.   
Power corrupts, even the purest of souls. After forcing us to bow before him, I knew that he was no longer the same messenger of heaven that I’d come to adore. Perhaps he had recognized his mistakes, but not until it was too late and the leviathan consumed him.   
I died a little inside that day, drinking until I passed out, hell I don’t even remember how I coped. Castiel was gone, and we were stuck cleaning up the mess he made in a drunken grasp at power.   
It all felt numb, hunting anything my brother and I could find, desperately searching for a method to exterminate the leviathan, and then I remember hearing about “Emanuel,” supposedly another faith healer. Obviously we went to check it out, cause none of the hunters needed the whole “reaper on a leash” ordeal again.   
Upon arrival at the house, I learned it was under siege by demons. Slaying them, I was greeted by a familiar face. A beautiful face. The feeling in my gut was enough to make me sink to my knees and weep with my angel cradled in my arms. But he didn’t remember, and I felt it was best to keep it that way no matter how much it hurt.   
Over the years, I’ve dealt with inhumane amounts of pain, but the emotional turmoil I felt over whether or not to remind him of everything we’ve been through, together, was too much. I decided against it, fearing for his own self-destruction. It wasn’t until a demon attack, and Sam’s life was on the line that I decided to remind him of his powers. After watching the way smiting those beasts came so naturally to him I knew his memories had returned. Regardless of my joy, I was a bit fearful whether or not he’d even reciprocate the feelings we once shared.   
Despite his countless apologies, the wounds never quite fully healed. So he made a sacrifice by dragging the endless torture from Sam, and inflicting it upon himself. We left him there, with Meg as his guide. I cried myself to sleep that night. It’s pure torture having the man you love most in the world, broken and alone, unable to be saved. Then things with Dick Roman started to progress, and his attacks became directed towards the public.After a monumental amount of digging we learned there is a way possible to gank those sons of bitches.  
When Cas had returned, I realized I had underestimated Meg’s usefulness. Knowing my beloved was okay, I was prepared to face anything. Everything was going according to plan, that is until it worked perfectly. We sent Dick back to purgatory, but the kick from the explosion carried us with it.   
I cried out for my angel upon impact but he was nowhere to be seen. Abandoned and afraid I fought my way out of everything. After meeting a vampire who went by Benny, I learned of a possible escape route out of this hell-hole. I can’t leave without him though, and I know that in the back of his mind he knows it too. But I think he was scared, scared to return to the broken world he left behind to fend for themselves.  
Benny and I fought until I was doused in blood and red in the face. Then, I saw him, crouched by a small brook, looking like a mess with torn clothing and dirty skin. It’s the first time I’ve seen the man I love in almost a year, but I could never forget how beautiful he was. Running to him, I pulled him into a long hug. Shocked, all Cas managed to do was stand there, hands in a tight ball at his side. I debriefed him on our plans of escape. Benny was slightly reluctant to house a beacon that drew in monsters, but he finally succumbed to my pleas when I explained my feelings for the lost man. Subduing the leviathan had been a challenge but decapitation worked well enough, slowing them down considerably. Then our trio saw the glowing seam, a rip in reality. I use the phrase a lot but it was truly awesome. Slitting my arm, and performing the incantation, Benny’s soul was sealed away beneath my skin. With little time left, Cas and I struggled to scale the steep wall of rock. Once I got up I felt the pull of my realm dragging me, calling to me. So I desperately clawed for Castiel’s hand, but it was too late. I was left grasping at nothingness as I was dragged away from him. He cried out for me. My name is the last thing I ever heard him say.  
I was alive, but I wasn’t really living. I had nobody. Sam was gone, Bobby was gone. I left my heart in purgatory when I abandoned Cas.   
So that’s why I’m here, you’re my last chance to get back to him. I need you to send me back to purgatory. I would rather spend the rest of eternity waging wars as long as I’m with the man I love. Please just, make it quick.”


End file.
